Dudes, Two situations will occur: 1) you are with her and end up seeing a lingerie shop, and 2) you need to buy her lingerie. Follow these pointers, you’ll end up cool.
First thing first… the money. Your underwear costs say $10 to $15, $25 if you get the gay kind that I wear because it looks way better and it makes you look huge. So you think you might be able to get away with a nice pair of undies for $75. That is possible, but her underwear has more engineering than your car, so think car payment and you might not end up surprised. Keep in mind she is going to buy it so you might as well be the hero.
Check these situations out:
1) Shopping with her and lingerie store is spotted.
Here is the procedure. Go into the shop. Make one round on your own quickly. Look at everything. Don’t linger by her. Find the chair. Sit. Put your head down, there should be reading material. Pretend you are interested in what you are reading. When prompted extend your hand with your credit card. Don’t ask to see… you will. Don’t ask questions like “can she vacuum in it?”. In fact don’t speak at all. Just pay and nod.
If there is not a chair you are screwed. Plan on being super uncomfortable for a very long time.
2) Shopping for her (and making it fun? No. I can at least get you to painless.)
Super smart men call us and let us do the work selecting, sizing, packing, wrapping, etc. I am assuming you are like me and we are not smart. So listen up so that in the future you can call and say “hey this is Karl, I need something, maybe one single x item and a triple x item, and a swim suit, can you put it together, here is my credit card number.” You call because we know what she wants. You don’t. Deal with it. Just make your life easy. Follow these steps:
First, she needs something that fits. This part is a bit tricky. Gift certificates definitely fit, and as a business man I am supposed to tell you to purchase gift certificates because only x% are redeemed, but lets do our best to get her an actual garment because that is simply more romantic. Two tricks can be used to find something that fits. 1) go through her clothes and write down sizes, 2) go to our shop especially if you know she shops with us as we will keep her size on file. You can always come in and hold your hands in the air and say about this big, or looks like her, but seriously, see tip one and two.
Of course realize if she has not had a proper bra fitting she probably wears the wrong size. So basically you are screwed if she has not shopped with us. Your mission then is to get her into Embrasse-Moi.
Next, selecting the piece. Here is the easiest and most rewarding way out of the shop: If it says AUBADE then buy it. (AUBADE pronounced: oh baaaaad) If you bought that already then you have the privilege to graduate to LISE CHARMEL. Get the full set, get the suspender belt, and get the Wolford hosiery. Add in a sexy robe if you want to be happy more often. ***Again, only do this if you want to have great sex and be super happy.*** We will wrap it up with a nice bow.
Of course you may be driving something a little less sporty, can’t afford to bring home the AUBADE. Just take the plunge and go with Maison Close. This is XXX, yet super classy and super affordable. Yeah you might get slapped but that simply part of the surprise.
Other than that you are going to have to sift through dizzying amounts lingerie. Of course we will help, but you are definitely going to start getting sweaty.
So again AUBADE (oh baaaaad) and you are done for now…. however realize as you look around our shop that she does not have nice slippers like we have, she does not have nice loungewear like we have, she does not have nice sleepwear like we have. Sports bras, every day bras. Then there is the swim suit. So you have a long way to go. This does not end my friend, so follow my tips to make it enjoyable. Get her in, then use the phone. We will be online soon, but keep using the phone.
Remember, You the man.