we love to talk... 585.383.1170

Date Yourself First

by Kristine Iannazzi | February 11, 2018

As we approach Valentine’s Day, it can be easy to forget among the overpriced roses, restaurant prefix dinner options, galentine's day gifts, and boxes of chalky sweetheart candies (does anyone really like theses anyway?) that there is an underlying theme to the whole V-Day thing - and it doesn't matter whether you're single, dating, married, divorced, or on a man strike... its L-O-V-E.

Ok. LOVE. So what?

Yes, love. What if we took a moment to love ourselves? Yes, you first. Before the boyfriend, kids, husband, pets, or match.com hottie. Just you - doing - you. What would that be like?

Would you want to date yourself?

Blogger and Lifestyle guru Molly Mahar, of stratejoy.com, asked herself the same question. After a bad breakup she committed a year to just getting to know herself. She reveals,

"It actually was really scary. It was invigorating. It was wonderful and terrible and enlightening and gave me all the things that my relationship used to give me. And, like the “duh” billy club beat me over the head, I deeply understood that the most important relationship that I will ever have, the truly defining relationship that I can count on forever, is the one with myself."

"And I also realized, that like any relationship, my relationship with myself would take cultivating and attention. Work and Effort. Thought and Care. It would take putting myself in uncomfortable situations and pushing myself to make me a priority."

"I asked myself some hard questions.

What if I just met me? Would I make a good impression on myself?

Would I have a crush on me?


She realized she was investing time and energy into all relationships but the one with herself. How could she continue to nurture others without first taking time to understand who she really was - the good, and not so good - all of it. Dating yourself may sound foreign, even a little silly, but its not such a strange concept. Treat yourself. Talk to yourself kindly. Do the things you would do for others - but this time for you!

Molly goes on to share her tips and techniques for dating yourself. So this Valentine's day (or any other day for that matter), give it a try! Spend a little time getting to know yourself. You may be surprised what good company you actually are!

How To Date Yourself in 10 Ways:

1. Get ready: shower, shave, put on your feel-good make-up and do your hair in a fun, flirty, very you way. Every day. Make time for it. Maybe even get your nails done, and a fresh new haircut. Whatever it takes to make this feel real.

2. Wear something fun that makes you feel oh-so-good. Show off your personality. Think about the you that you want to present to the world. You can forget a cleavage-bearing shirt everyday, unless that’s your thing.

3. Clean your space. Imagine you’re expecting a guest to pick you up for your date. You wouldn’t have an unmade, sick-dirty bed if you were going on a date, would you? No. You’d pick up the trash off of the floor and put your laundry away. You’d also probably do your dishes and clean your toilet. Probably.

4. Tell your friends how excited you are. Only this time, it’s how excited you are to get to know you. Tell them your goals, your specific hopes, everything about you that makes you giddy. And when they follow-up to see how your new relationship is going? Be honest. Use your friends and support system to hold you accountable.

5. Have a plan. Lunch? Movie? That new restaurant or museum? Walk in the park? A home-cooked new recipe prepared at home? Do it. Give yourself the courtesy of scheduling and keeping a date.

6. Give yourself a thoughtful gift. Flowers. Candy. A mix tape of your favorite tunes. Those earrings you’ve been eyeing. And celebrate milestones. Days, weeks, or months of progress deserve attention, just like in any relationship.

7. Leave yourself love notes. Sticky-notes on the mirror, your favorite quote scribbled inside your notebook, an inspirational photo - anything to remind you that you care.

8. Talk only positively about yourself. You wouldn’t go on and on about your nasty habits or your dysfunctional family or your bout with depression on a date, would you? Maybe you would, after some wine, but focusing on the positive, at least this early in the game, always yields better results.

9. Get to know you. Journal it. Learn who you are, what your goals and dreams are, and who you want to be. Your best self. Explore what that looks like. Map it out. Devote time to this part of the relationship; it will be the foundation that keeps you in a happy place when the going gets tough.

10. Kiss yourself goodnight. Develop a night-time routine that is all about self-love. Maybe a cup of tea. Maybe a soothing read? Maybe some music? Sink into bed with that feeling that it’s all falling into place.

Mahar summarizes, "It seems so very simple; clean underwear and sticky-notes on mirrors, yeah? It’s more than that, but it’s just that straightforward for me. It will take days and days of sticky notes and clean underwear and kissing myself goodnight, it will take the practice and dedication that I’d usually be putting into my relationship with someone else, it will make me uncomfortable sometimes, and it will make life feel magical because I’m learning that I can give myself everything I need."

"One of these days, the love of my life will unexpectedly appear and it will be me, looking back at myself in the mirror."

Interested about learning more? Check out local Life Coach, Randy Dunn, and attend his presentation "Date Yourself First" or check out his website rocdreambuilder.com